The Power of Yes - A 2023 Reflection

I was recently asked to join a group of “liminal space” photographers. I had no idea what liminal space was so I looked it up, and it is essentially the space you are in during a transition - the space between “what was” and “next.” Immediately I realized that’s what 2023 has been for me, one big liminal space.

I feel like it’s become trendy the past few years to say no to things, to protect or conserve your ‘energy’. But what are we conserving our energy for? I’ve worked so hard with my counselor this past year and found depths to myself I didn’t know existed, but the only reason I have seen such growth is because of my yeses. Yes to continuing to see my counselor, yes to all the advice he’s suggested, yes to uncertainty but following gut instincts, yes to new experiences.

Third Eye Blind has a line that has always stuck with me: there will be no regrets when the worms come, and they shall surely come. I’m not generally a person of regret - regret just isn’t something I deal with because I recognize that each choice I’ve made is the best I could do at the time, and it has all brought me to where I am now, which is somehow always a better place than where I was before. However, I have one big regret this year, and it is missing out on my best friend’s 40th birthday in Turkey. I had my ticket, but then I did something I rarely do - I let life get in the way. I thought about all the big work events that week, I thought about all the unexpected expenses that suddenly popped up, and I thought about how exhausted I was, and decided I just needed to be responsible, listen to my body and bank account, and say no. What a colossal error on my part. In hindsight I realized that expenses are always popping up and I somehow always manage them just fine; my friend’s birthday event is significantly more important than a work event; and staying home only perpetuated the exhaustion because what I truly needed was soul rest, which I always find in travel and time with friends.

And this is not to say that all no’s are bad, and all yeses are good, and that your body doesn’t know anything and doesn’t need any rest. But even the bad yeses have been so fruitful. The past few months I found myself continually saying yes to a situation that I knew was unhealthy for me. During that time the song Fade Into You found it’s way back to me, and I realized that was what was happening to me: I look to you and I see nothing…You live your life, you go in shadows, You’ll come apart and you’ll go black. I literally felt like I was fading into myself, I was unrecognizable - my brightness, my flame, was going out.

But then suddenly, another yes pulled me out of it. A yes made even sweeter by the deep low of the yes before it. A yes others told me I should say no to. A yes I was even uncertain about, but just had a gut feeling about. A yes that has fanned my flame and breathed my Kelsey back into me. A yes that sees me, and has reminded me that I am fun, and free-spirited, and creative, and talented, and beautiful. A yes that has energized me, and recharged my spirit.

I’ve done a lot of traveling in my life, but I recently took a trip that was completely transformative. I did a lot of reflection and contemplation and was overwhelmed with the amount of love and joy I truly have in my life. But I was more overwhelmed when I realized that I did that. I created that love and joy around me with each yes over the years. I have worked hard to curate and maintain a tribe of love, and support, and positivity. I cried several times making my 2023 video, rewatching all the beautiful people I get to call my friends. I cried this morning as I received messages of love from friends all over the world wishing me a Happy New Year. I cry right now as I type this, just thinking about the amazing people I get to share life with. The energy we put out into the world is so important, and I’m extremely humbled by what my energy has attracted back to me. I was really struck by a scene in the Barbie movie when Barbie is awarded the Nobel Prize and unabashedly says, “Thank you, I deserve this.” I have been channeling that energy lately, and when I think of all the good around me I just smile and think, “Thank you, I deserve this.”

So thank you to all of you who have continued to give me yeses as well. May we continue to be yes people in 2024. May we continue to sacrifice a bit of sleep or physical rest for the deep soul rest that we need and find in each other and experiences. May we continue to love deeply and intensely to find out who genuinely is worthy of being in our tribes, and who we need to weed out. Thank you all for the love and lessons in 2023, and helping me end it even sweeter than I ever could have hoped.