Aging: Part 2
On my last birthday I wrote about aging, focusing mainly on all its disappointments. So surprisingly, multiple times these past few months, I have found myself thinking, “I love getting older!”
Don’t get me wrong, I still resent my age-spot speckled and less elastic skin, my thinning hair, and the deepening lines on my face, but I have come to realize it is a small price to pay for the myriad benefits of aging. I am much more confident and comfortable with who I am: I care less what others think, I embrace my quirks, I am softer with others and myself.
Discovering this has been a gift in and of itself, but having those around me notice and embrace these things as well has been pure delight. The more I lean into and accept who I am, the more I attract back that same energy, and encourage others to do the same.
I once read that the way you choose to see the world, creates the world you see. If you are constantly judging yourself and others, then you see the world full of people judging you. If you are loving and compassionate with yourself and others, then the world will be loving and compassionate with you. It makes me think of when I travel with my friend, Brooke, and we’re both just so excited to be wherever we are, and all these amazing, hilarious encounters happen in which she boasts, “The people of Greece love us! The people of Wales love us!” And she’s not wrong. We are beloved around the world!
The older we get the more experiences and data points we have to analyze and work with, but… The more I travel, the more I realize how little I’ve actually traveled. Or the more I study, the more I realize there is to learn still. And the more I learn, the more I realize how little I truly know. And it is in that awareness of deficit that we find softness and empathy.
And as we get older I think we finally realize that we truly are all out here winging it. In spite of appearances, we’re all just out here doing the best we can with what we have.
Throughout my adult life I have repeatedly been told that I have the most interesting friends, and know the most fascinating people. I would one hundred percent agree, and would say that is probably what I am most proud of. All of my yeses (see previous post ) have filled my life with so much love and joy in the form of unique friendships. A friend recently said that she would just rather be alone all the time, she doesn’t really like people that much, and it was as though my brain short-circuited because I couldn’t even compute what she was saying. It is in getting out, and living life with others that I feel most enriched and alive. I often think of the quote from Into the Wild, “Happiness only real when shared.”
A couple months ago I was on a date and towards the end the guy said something like, “You’ve done so many things, and are so independent, why are you even dating? It doesn’t seem like you need anyone else in your life.” And that’s true, I don’t need anyone in my life. But I think it’s when you get to that point, and still want someone - someone to share that happiness with, that’s when you’re ready.
And quite frankly, these past 2 months have been 2 of the best of my life. On a past post about loneliness - the impetus for this whole journey I’ve been on, actually - a friend replied that “more than ‘lonely’ it just feels like wasted potential knowing I have so much to offer a partner.” Yes. Another gift of aging is learning to recognize your gifts, and I have come to realize that I am good at loving others. Yes, this relationship makes me feel seen, and heard, and valuable, but it is in using my gifts to support and champion someone else that I get to feel my most Kelsey.
So as I continue aging I hope I will continue to do the hard work of therapy and self-reflection, but always in conjunction with the hard work of living alongside, and sharing experiences with others; that I will continue to lean into my authentic self, and hope that it will free others to do the same.